Dear Thrifty Business Owner

Buying toilet paper that is more see-through than a plot from any recent Steven Spielberg movie does not save you money!  Think about it.  You are excited because you just cut your TP cost in half, but I will now use twice as much eliminating any savings.  This seems like basic math to me.


Please Exit In The Rear(or at least close in my case)

It had been nearly two years since I last vomited.  I have to say that I did not really miss it.  I went through a few month period where I threw up almost everyday and was constantly queasy.  How do pregnant women do that???  I would rather be shot in the face with a cannonball while listening to Celine Dion at a Pauly Shore look-a- like convention.


Good Luck My Mayan Friend

It is a New Year and for some odd reason that means that many folks are going to make changes to their life through New Year's resolutions.  I am grateful when anyone tries to improve themselves no matter what the reason.  The picking of such an arbitrary date from such an amateur calendar that we use seems just plain silly.

2012 will be an amazing year because no matter what challenges are ahead--my life will get better.  I have always believed this.  The world will not end, but it could be a new beginning for many.  Challenge yourself everyday by making yourself slightly uncomfortable.  Use these activities to enrich your life and experience this little planet like you never have before.  I know this appears off topic, but your health has a direct relationship with your mental state.  True happiness and true health does come from a life of virtue, fun, and experience.  Do not let your health or life pass you by.


3,651

That is not the number of times I have been to the bathroom since I last updated this site (Although, it is probably close).  It is the number of spam related posts that I received during that time.  I just deleted everything because it would have taken too much time to cycle through all of it.  In other words, a few legit posts were probably deleted as well.  I have added a new spam filter and I am trying to start a partner Facebook page that will force me to maintain this site better.  More to come.....


En a my what?

I am no longer taking Humira.  It is odd that ever since I stopped taking this "amazing biological" drug that I have no more blood.   Modern medicine is such steaming pile of poor guess work.  Anyway, I am supposed to start back on enemas though.  Hooray for me!!


More To Come After This

I have an appointment with my local G. I. on June 9th.  I hope to get on a path that has some direction.  I am going to also start researching some holistic doctors as well.


G. I. Give Up

Perhaps, I already knew this.  My big bad nationally renowned doctor gave up on me.  He said that I had the "visual appearance" of Crohns both at the surgical site and as he moved just up my small intestine from my J pouch.  The part that makes me crazy is that no one will say that I actually have Crohns.  Visual appearance!!  Well, sir, you have the visual appearance of being a lazy, set in his ways doctor with a God complex.  At least my observations are also based on your actions, not just a "visual appearance."

I am not ready to give up yet.  I am going to seek out other opinions and continue to do my own research.  I will be normal again someday.  I always wished to be abnormal, but just not in this way.


Please Keep Off the Grass!

I find some of the spam ads that get posted here amusing. They range from the very obvious male enhancement products to shampoo for dogs.  Weird! Just do not confuse those two. Although, the dog might be happy and you will be quite clean with a shiny coat. Anyway, here is a partial list of words that are banned from my site. I feel like a foreign dictator!

viagra
cialis
louboutin
jerseys
choo
laurent
calis
millen
discount
wholesale
cheap
sunglasses
hydroxycut

Tune in next week and I will tell you the proper temperature for burning books!!

P.S. This is a only a joke. Do not burn books as they taste better just slightly blackened on the outside.


My Life As A Supplement

I decided to take a whole new approach to my nutritional supplements.  I do not like taking extra things especially chemical laden garbage.  Saying that, I have found that it is an unfortunate necessity of my condition.  I have started a new approach from a mostly whole food organic perspective.  So far, I have seen very near dramatic results.   Here is my new list:

Garden of Life's Primal Defense

Garden of Life's RM-10

New Chapter's Zyflamend

New Chapter's Perfect Calm multivitamin

VSL #3

Glutamine

I have only been on this regiment for a short period of time, but so far so good.  Please feel free to ask me any questions that you may have.

P.S.  I do not endorse any companies products!!  I am just in trial and error mode and this combo has worked the best so far.  We will see how it works in the long run.


In A Land Far Far Away

I called my University of Chicago GI to see if all of my pathology had been reviewed as it has been over a month since he said he would sit down with a pathologist and analyze the findings.  Well, he is on vacation.  I sure hope he is having a good time.  I am sure he will make time to visit Abbot Laboratories to view their "miracle biological drug of the future." Screw modern chemical laden medicine!  Make sure you exhaust all options if you are contemplating getting this surgery.  The main reason is you can not take it back and many days I wish I could.

P.S.  I am in a great mood right now.....really.  :)


The Waiting Game...Score is Im-patient to Fine, Whatever!

I talked to my surgeon's nurse the other day and she told me that I have patchy enteritis.  She also helped me get somewhat clearer information from my GI.  The outcome is that the pathologist and my GI are going to examine all of my biopsies since the very beginning to determine what the next path is.

You know what all this feels like?  Do you remember the Super-bowl between the Cowboys and the Bills in the mid 90s?  There is the one play where the Cowboys get a turnover and Leon Lett celebrates a little early and Don Beebe knocks the ball out of his hand at the one yard line preventing the touchdown.  Well, Mr Beebe, "Stay out of my intestines!"


That's News You Can Lose!

It is said that it's whats on the inside that matters.  You date an ugly girl and you tell your buddies, "It is not what she looks like that is important, it is who she is on the inside.   I would make the argument that it is what you look like on the inside that counts!  I feel great, but I was told that I still have moderate to severe inflammation.  Seriously, what the hell??!  I was also told to "talk to my surgeon."  Why?  I have been waiting for my GI to say everything looks good so my surgeon would go ahead with my last surgery.  I was told that things do not look good so why would I talk to him?  I was not happy with the answers I received from my GI's nurse.  She kept deflecting all of my questions by telling me to make an appointment with my surgeon.  What does this mean?  Is it bad news and they don't want to tell me over the phone?  Is it that she is his new nurse and maybe her people skills need some adjusting?  She actually said to me (before my GI looked at my results and I was getting a little impatient), "it's not like its cancer or something."  I know cancer is quite serious, but this result is quite a big deal to me.  It is my life lady!  Her bedside manner needs a little work.  Long story short, I still have many questions that I have yet to get answered because everyone was off on Friday.  I hope to find out more information Monday.


The Word On The Street

It appears that I will hear something on Wednesday in regards to my little procedure.  My doctor did mention that he still saw some inflammation, so I am not as optimistic as I was on Friday morning.  I am still hopeful that this intestinal insanity will end soon.  I like that alliteration-intestinal insanity.  That could be a good name for a punk band.  Although, I would not want to clean their bathrooms after a show.


I Will Be Back Behind The Camera Tomorrow

Wait, I got that wrong.  I will have a camera back up my behind tomorrow.  Friday is my Flex Sig.  Everyone wish me luck!  I hope I do not blink.


The Final Chapter?

Yes, its true.  I may be heading toward my final surgery.  I have to get a Flex Sig and some biopsies first, but than I am good to be closed up if all turns out well.  This made me think of a new tattoo idea!  I could get a "Sorry, we're closed" sign right above my old stoma spot.  I think this idea may be a keeper.

I think about the first "event" that I will have normally and can only think of one thing.  I want it to be like my first days of potty training.  Everyone has to look at it, clap, congratulate me, and give me a treat.


Appointment Wednesday

I have an appointment with my GI on Wednesday.  Hopefully I will receive some good news.  His nurse did not tell me to avoid eating so I am not sure exactly what will be done.  I will update the site on Thursday.


Message In A Bottle

I left a message for my University of Chicago GI on Thursday and have yet to hear back.  I am hoping to be evaluated after my fantastic time spent on their crazy drugs.  Who knows, maybe surgery number three could be in my near future.....

P.S.  Congrats to the Cialis spammer for winning his Colitis Prize.   He has chosen to remain anonymous so he is not hounded by extended family members because of his new found wealth.


Should I Bake A Cake?

I am only 15 spam posts away from reaching one thousand!!  How do you celebrate something like this?  This is all new to me.  I know that if you are the one millionth customer at a store you get a gift card or something.  So, I have decided to give the 1000th spammer Colitis.  Come and get it sucka!!


Next Rest Stop 50 Miles

I decided that it is only appropriate that I share some of my public bathroom experiences.  No, I am not giving you certain details.  I just visit these fun little cubicles so often that I have many odd stories to share.  Just click on "Public Bathroom Diarrhies" for details.


I Do Not Believe In Coincidences

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  We may not always be aware of the reasoning at the time, but there is a method to this chaotic world.  I am not saying that every time you open the door to your local Starbucks that is has some cosmic meaning (Although, some mornings it feels that it might have some cosmic meaning).  I just think that most people let little clues to their life pass them by. 

I was at Woodfield Mall with my brother and I was doing some small complaining about my situation.  I almost always have a positive outlook, but sometimes....  Anyway, I started my small complaining pity party and a gentleman with no legs in a wheelchair passed us by.  I am sure many people would have barely made any connection to this moment at all.  I am not one of those people.  This was the universes way of telling me to "Shut up!"  I know my life is not exactly what I expected, but it could be a lot worse.    So I will now listen and just stop.....for now :) .